Dear Mom (girls, dad, everyone out there as I am a mom, I write from that perspective, but this applies to all)
In this journey of life, remember very few people will support us, husbands, in-laws, parents, friends, relatives, yes! Maybe none might support it. At times one feels." if only someone had just held my hand and said, don't worry, I am there"...Believe me, it gets lonely and very depressing.
Then what do I do as er to motivate myself, cause, believe me, you will get hundreds of people around you to pull you down, hardly anyone to support you, so here's what I do, you will have to find your way people, this might give you some ideas.
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Believe that happiness is a Choice. Yes, I may cry and feel lonely and lost, but then I let myself vent out, get up and decide I will move ahead no matter what.
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Life is challenging, no doubt, especially when you have a child with special needs. My child may have more or lesser issues than other children. Still, I will not compare his achievements or failures with any other child. It's mine and his journey; we will move ahead and celebrate success at our pace.
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Believe me, the day you stop comparing and celebrating the smallest success your child achieves; you are more at peace.
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Never blame yourself; the refrigerator mother theory (wherein it was said that mothers who were cold and not caring enough landed up with autistic kids) or blaming past sin or karma is bullshit.
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In our society, and sadly, more women than men find sadistic pleasure in blaming a woman for anything and everything that happens to a family.
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You are not responsible for your child being autistic or your husband straying.
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Keep yourself extremely fit and healthy, girls; you must be around your children for a long time. So hypertension, diabetes, etc., will hasten your steps towards depression.
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Exercise and no excuses that I have so much work and can't find the time. We all have 24 hours, and if your health is your priority, you will find the time.
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Break it into 15 minutes schedule throughout the day or 30/45 minutes any time of the day.
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But no excuses for not exercising; believe me, a healthy, happy mind resides in a healthy body. Exercise releases happy hormones.
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Have a hobby, it's a must, as this is your " Me" time, anything reading, writing, music, stamp collection, running...Go back to your school and college days; what did you love to do? Now do it.
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You are not the only person who makes the world /family go round; Nothing will happen if you keep 30/45 minutes in 24 hours for yourself. Your child, hubby, and in-laws, everyone will be just fine.
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Don't die of guilt for your me time, and don't let others make you feel guilty.
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Stop being a perfectionist. A little dust here or there or your child not being the best in everything and not scoring the highest marks will not end your world.
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Be compassionate and help others selflessly. If you expect love and compassion from others, then do the same too; believe me, the universe has this excellent law; it gives back in some form or the other what you give, so do unto others what you want others to do unto you.
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After all this, if people misunderstand you, do not worry...They hear your voice, but what goes through their mind is their thoughts. (Rumi said this, I loved it, so I borrowed it)
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Stand tall like the sunflower, which always faces the sun no matter how blinding its light. Be proud of yourself, write down your blessings and believe me, you will truly see you are much better off than many others.
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Be around people who motivate you; if someone tries to judge you and pull you down, leave. Don't get into verbal bouts. It saps your energy; leave, remember, you can't change anyone, but you can change yourself.
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Don't let others have the keys to your happiness; happiness is a Choice. Choose it every time.
SIMI VASU
SPECIAL MOTHER